Saturday, February 24, 2007
Life. . .
I love my classes. Teaching English at the orphanage is probably one of the most difficult things I have to do, but I love it. There are times that I feel like giving up or calling it quits- telling them they have to figure something else out because it doesn’t work to teach that many kids of that many ages all at the same time with no translator when they don’t know any English. Then I realize that I have the opportunity to see God move in his amazing faithfulness here and I know I won’t quit. I cannot expect to teach this class out of my own wisdom though- it doesn’t work. I’ve tried. I cannot expect to come up with ideas that will keep them focused and learning for almost an hour, but also allow them to have fun without losing control. And their teachers sit there watching and I don’t know what they think of me or my teaching methods, but my teaching cannot be done in an attempt to gain approval from them as much as I would like for them to love me and want to be my friend. And so I cry out desperately for God to speak and tell me something to do, something to help these precious kids English. . . And to show them how desperately God loves them and wants to know them.
And today Borei counted almost to twenty in Khmer and it’s okay if he has no concept of counting in English. He knows he is loved.
Teaching Bible is crazy amazing. God has given me a group of students that fluctuates a bit, but the core group is rather consistent and they are hungry for God. They know him, they understand so much, but they want more and I don’t know why I’m teaching some days, but God has told me to and God is teaching through me. And this week he taught through me in Khmer.
Teaching English at the Youth Center could be one of the easiest things in the world, but the days that I try to do it myself out of what I know or what I think would be fun end up being frustrating or completely messed up. I need God to direct each of these steps that I’m taking. . . Each new word they are learning I want to have come from him, each game, each idea. . . He’s the master teacher and I am definitely still learning. . .
I want my students to know how much I love them. They are amazing and I can only wonder if I love my students so much and I am but me, how much more does God love them. They have such precious smiles and I love them. . .
And there are always babies. . . Babies that need baths, babies that need changing, babies that need feeding and most of all always babies that need loving. . . Sambo and Sambat are playing with each other now and kissing each other and eating each other essentially. And they’re ticklish, very, very. It breaks me to think they may be being sent to different homes and grow up never knowing they have a brother. God please be in control. . .
Someone at the hospital came up to me and Srey Neit this week and said “you love kids, don’t you?” I told him “I do. I want to have an orphanage some day.” It’s funny or completely freaky that having that orphanage I’ve been talking about for years may not be that far away. When do we grow up and suddenly have the chance to make our childhood dreams realities? I don’t remember exactly how I came to be in this place all of the sudden where I’m almost old. When I go home next year I will be almost halfway to fifty. . . That’s ridiculous.