At the end of the day

There's a point almost each night when I just want to write. I don't know exactly why. Maybe it's a way of wanting to unwind at the end of a day or to process all the different things that have happened in a day. Maybe it's because I think I spent several years writing almost each night. For quite some time now I have ignored it, just decided to go to sleep because writing takes up more time and that makes you more tired and who needs to be more tired, cause it isn't me. I miss plenty of sleep these days. I am trying not to ignore it though. I want to remember my life. I want to remember what I see, what I think and what goes on around me. There is so much that happens within a day. I like the rawness of what I'm thinking when I'm first thinking something. I want to value more the way the thoughts evolve as I push aside my own thoughts and try to make sense of how Jesus would look at a situation, as I realize that some days are just good days and some days are just hard days, but they're all days that will keep on turning one into another in the beautiful way life rolls by.

And so it's a quiet night in my house. Today has been a long busy day, but there is something peaceful about being the only one home who is awake, something peaceful about knowing there are two precious little boys sleeping soundly in the room next to mine and I'm listening to my brother singing new songs reminding me of so many nights growing up when I fell asleep to him playing the guitar down the hall.

I might be tired. I should probably go to sleep soon. I might have more to do in my tomorrow than I know how to do. I might have a few more mosquitoes in my house than I desire to show hospitality to, but I really have nothing to complain about. My life is wonderful. My days are full. My life is full.

And so I will smile when Rain tells me not to congratulate him for winning his game on the computer. I cannot talk to him when he's playing. Sorry for the distraction. And I will smile when Ru says Mom, I'm going to ticklish you, because as many times as I try to convince him his grammar is wrong some patterns die hard. And I will smile because these little boys are fantastic and the God who is letting me be their mom is far beyond all goodness I could imagine ever. And I will smile because I am living something that was a dream deep inside for years before it became a reality. And I will smile because I have so many friends of all ages who I get to spend my days with and my time for. And at the end of the day I get to know that I am exactly where I should be and have the privilege of loving people and hopefully showing them who Jesus is while they love me and show me Jesus in return.