Saturday, October 04, 2008

I learned how to give birth to a baby this week. It's pretty crazy. Not exactly what I had in mind when I was planning on going to study about mother and baby care for a week, I don't know exactly what I thought it was, but it's so relevant to what I'll be doing, so it's all good.
And now I'm riding on a bus back from the city. There is more I could have done there, but I realized that too late, so it will have to wait now. I'm looking forward to arriving at home, but there's something about traveling that always makes me want to write. It used to drive me crazy because the best stuff I would think of whether I was randomly singing to Jesus or working on the book in my head would happen while I was driving and I would hardly ever remember it when I actually had a chance to write it down. I still have the random piece of paper I wrote the title of our book on when we were getting on 95 in the church van to get kids. . . It was right at the curve at 273 and I just had to write it down. It's along one too.
So I've been learning so much in just being here again. I think we grow in different seasons, but I think the truth of the matter is God wants us to grow so much more than we realize and so much more than we want for ourselves and if we would just realize it we would grow exponentially more than we have ever imagined. There's this great need I'm seeing fora shift in the way I think and the way I respond to situations. Aside from the cliche of everyone saying what would Jesus do? I'm really wondering if I think about how he would act in situations very often. Do I love like he would? like he does? I think far too often I fail to walk in the authority and fullness I have as a daughter of God and that's not cool. It's becoming less okay in my thinking to not walk in all God has for me. I am here for one thing, so I may as well be fully here. I may as well make the most of all that I have the chance to do while I'm here. I don't want to miss out on something. I don't want to live with regrets when the end of the day comes. I don't want to hold onto something I have that could change the way someone else sees the world if it shows them Jesus. I don't want to miss it. I don't want to.
See, I feel like God is teaching me so many different things and I know they're all good. I know they'll all make sense eventually. I know that they will come together at some point, I just don't know what point that will be. I'm looking at things and realizing this call to holiness and this call to servanthood and loving and walking so that God is always worthy and no glory is taken for myself, but is all laid at his feet - that's what should really matter. There's this verse I read the other night about how Jesus won't tell the Pharisee's where the authority he has comes from if they won't answer his question first and I have just been reminded of how much authority we do have to walk in the fullness of the authority that Jesus walked in, so my prayer as I was going to sleep the other night was that we wouldn't miss that one, that we wouldn't forget that as sons and daughters of God we've been given authority to see God's kingdom established on this earth. . . and so these little pieces are somehow coming together in my mind and I'm waiting for the day that it makes sense.

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